Middle of the Biscuit

I always thought growing up that I was too selfish to ever be a good mother. I didn't have enough faith in my self to think that I could possibly sacrifice for someone else the way that my parents had so graciously done for me. It was mostly trivial, insignificant things that caused these feelings of inadequacy to this role that I had not even yet been assigned: giving someone else the point of the pie, or the middle of the biscuit or the last bite, my love for sleeping late or sleep that was uninterrupted. Surely I wouldn't be able to wake up in the middle of the night or in the early morning for feedings, I could barely drag myself out of bed when I had to to make it to school on time. And shopping, OH the shopping! How could I make a trip to the mall and return with nothing for myself when every trip ever made was usually for me anyway. I had no idea how my mother had the self control to leave all those stores with absolutely nothing for herself. When I was first born, my dad was working and going to school at the same time. Who would want to do that? And when did they have time for any fun? To be completely honest I just thought my dad was that dedicated of a worker and that my mom was just really that sweet.

I've never thought of Matt in this way, however, being any kind of selfish ... though I'm sure at one point he was. Since we first met, he was always more concerned about me and my well-being over his own. This has doubled immensely since Ella has been a part of our lives. Watching him grow into his role as a father has made it blatantly obvious why my father made the sacrifices that he did. Matt works hard. He does it every day. And he does it free of complaint or need of recognition. I believe the Lord wired it into the male psyche to work hard and on some level base worth on the ability to do so and provide successfully for a family. He has missed many a "guys" fishing trip or Saturday morning hunt just so he could be home when Ella woke up or to just simply spend that time with us. This transition seemed so natural and completely effortless for him. As a parent, a father, he is inspiring.

I guess that is what we do as parents...sacrifice. From the little things to things much bigger, having a baby sure changes how you look at your self. I believe if you want to know how selfish you are...have a baby! We do it everyday. Give our time, our selves, our sleep, our food for those little ones we love so much. I guess God humbles us by making us parents. It never crossed my mind that when the time came I would enjoy giving and sacrificing for my child in those same ways, ignoring my selfish nature. The Lord didn't change the fact that I was predominantly selfish during that time, but once I had Ella He changed that desire in my heart. And very quickly I might add.

How is it that when you feel sick, the only thing you want is to feel better. But, when your little one is sick or crying and you don't know why the only thing you can do is pray to the Lord that he would let it be you instead or at least let you know what she's feeling so you know how to fix it. I've been a christian my whole life--I've never prayed so much until I became a mother. It's amazing how something so small, so innocent could have such a profound effect on who we are as people. I often feel closest to the person that the Lord called me to be when I am with Ella. She is my most reliable accountability partner. I get more joy out of giving her the middle of my biscuit rather than savouring it myself. And it only recently occurred to me that once you become a mother the only time you do get the middle of the biscuit is when the grandmother is in town.

PERSONALITY!

This is Ella smiling...on cue This is her frowning... And, this is her REAL smile... She is growing up so quickly and is more and more fun everyday! She has become constant company throughout the day as she talks to me and narrates her every move. She is such a big help vacuuming, wiping off the table and even putting away her toys. I often refer to her as our "mess monitor." The other day Matt came in from outside and so thoughtfully laid his boots in the kitchen floor. After he put them in the laundry room, there was of course loose dirt that had fallen off of them. Ella ran up to the small pile and pointing, shouted, "made mess, dada made mess!" He was so thankful that she so emphatically "through him in the river." She loves to sing and dance to pretty much anything with a beat. And, even if she's busy, once she hears some music she must stop what she's doing to bust a move. (Yes, I realize I just used the term "bust a move", but it so accurately described the process.) She can eat by herself, sleep by herself (mostly) and has NO problem telling people what to do. In an earlier post I think I claimed that she might be a tad bit bossy...well, there is no "might" about it and "tad" would be an understatement. My family was here for Memorial Day and when a song came on during some show she turned and pointing to the floor, said, "Zachs, dance!" Just for the record, she does say please and thank you, but sometimes the excitement just overcomes her and things come out more as a demand as opposed to a personal request. She's a MESS!!! And I love her with my WHOLE heart. She has a way of making bad days good and good days better. Ella, it is my honor to spend the days playing and caring for you. And I thank the Lord EVERYDAY for the blessing that you are!

SUPERMATT!!!

What a week we had last week. It was exhausting, hectic, stressful, pressing, and more simply put, just plain HARD! Here's why. Ella came down with what was after four days diagnosed as "a bad case of tonsillitis." Now, this may not seem as bad as I described above, but bare with me. In 18 months Ella has not been any kind of sick. Other than her previous UTI's and one clear runny nose due to allergies when the weather began getting warmer, we've been blessed with no sickness. Last Tuesday she had a fever of slightly over 99. Considering her hands constantly in her mouth and the increased drooling we chalked the slight fever up to teething. By late afternoon Wed. the fever had increased to over 101 and the maternal worry kicked in. Thursday morning we were at the doctor. Her urine was clean, the strep test was negative, her ears were fine, but her throat was slightly red with scattered puss pockets and her white count was highly elevated. She had blood taken and a shot- we were told to come back in the morning.

Friday morning- Blood taken and shot, the puss pockets now covered the back of her throat. Come back in the morning...GREAT!

Saturday morning, same routine-no shot and we were sent home with an antibiotic. FINALLY!! Now, with our "bad case of tonsillitis" we had little to no sleep, cranky with a side of cranky topped with a spoonful of irritable, crying in place of ALL other communication and only minimal amounts of food and juice for these three days. So, Friday night in come the troops- Honey, Boppa and Uncle Zach to help bring some relief to the pitiful and sleep deprived Euten clan. Now, once the antibiotic had began to kick in and Tylenol was flowing rampant through her veins she began to sleep better. However, Saturday night she woke up in a screaming fit an hour after she had gone to sleep. Nothing could calm her, she didn't know whom or what she wanted and couldn't stop screaming bloody murder long enough to even give a clue. Suddenly, down the dark hallway you could hear the footsteps, the footsteps of a hero. Matt came in the living room, where we all were trying to calm her, and spoke 5 adamant words, "she has a tummy ache." He gave her Mylicon and as quick as he appeared...he was gone. Only seconds later she was sound asleep in my arms. I looked up at my mom, "where did Matt go?" She said, "I guess back to bed." Like Superman, he did what he needed to do and was gone without any recognition.

The next morning I woke up next to "SuperMatt", kissed him and thanked him for saving the day. It is such a blessing to be married to someone that is so in tune with his family. He is calm when I'm a mess, he is confident when I am unsure, he is a problem solver when I can't think straight and he is a leader all of the time. I'm so thankful that I have him to help with Ella. This is only one of many times that he has come through in a clutch, but it is the most recent. Matt is a wonderful husband, the sweetest daddy, a great provider, spiritual leader and he is my best friend and hero.

Ella is much better now and we have all almost caught up on our rest. Thank you Honey, Boppa and Zach, we couldn't have done it without you!! What a week!!

Fun at the Zoo!

We took Ella to the zoo for the first time on Monday. Matt had the day off, so we really enjoyed the extra day with our daddy and had a great time and lots of fun. Here are some pictures from the day, here she is on our way...The otter didn't come down to see anybody else, but it put on quite a show for Ella, this was one of her favorite animals!

This is the tiger exhibit, since you probably can't tell from the glare. Ella REALLY loved the "kitty cat"!!!

The monkey was another favorite. It came down and sat directly in front of her. She got so tickled.

On our way home...pretty much sums it up!

Jennifer and Chase visit(ed)

One of my very dearest and closest friends came to visit us last weekend. Jennifer and I worked together in Nashville. She has since moved back home to Michigan and has resumed dating her high school sweetheart, Chase. They came to stay with us on their way to the race in Talladega. This was the first time she had seen Ella since she was a month old...obviously, she was quite different this go round. For the most part Ella loves EVERYONE. (Except really big, really loud men.) Of course Jen was no exception, but the crazy thing was it was almost as if Ella had known her all along. It made me wonder if on some level Jennifer was familiar to her since Ella had heard her so often while I was pregnant with her. They were such fast friends, it was extremely sweet. She wouldn't allow Jennifer to leave her sight the entire time they were here. We went to dinner for Chase's birthday and when we got home we had cupcakes to top off the celebration.

Jennifer unwrapped one and handed it to Ella.

Lovely.

You can see pictures from this event, and that it was, below. No, usually my child doesn't walk around in diaper-only attire, but taking off her dress was about all I had time to do before she had face planted into the cupcake! We had a great time watching her enjoy her treat, what a laugh. Jennifer and Chase come back soon!!!