How I got schooled by my son...Lessons from Cale?!?

I read a sticker one time that said, “Being a parent has made me a better person.” I don’t know who said it, but it makes me wonder if whoever did actually had children. Because I can tell you with complete certainty that most days, as a parent, I feel like the worst person in the world. I feel worse about myself as a parent more than I ever did when I was in high school or college. Because we all know at that age we were God’s gift to everyone...I jest. I’ve heard it said a thousand times, “If you want to know how selfish you are, have a baby.” I wholeheartedly agree, and I’d also add on top of selfish: impatient, prideful, scared, controlling and close-minded to name a few. The thing is, being a parent didn’t make me better, it, in fact showed me how wretched I really am. It shows me my need for a Savior, my need for grace and exactly how FAR I have to go to be a “better” person.

I saw my wretchedness in the most awful way last week. It culminated in an overflow or hormones, frustration, anger and misplaced priorities with my sweet Cale. I don’t really want to write this down, but I REALLY don’t want to forget it either. It was getting close to time to go pick up Ella from school. We were almost ready and I was quickly trying to thaw meat, throw it in the crock pot for dinner and fix his lunch and mine so we could shovel it in as we walked out the door. If you thought I was “good” at being a stay-at-home mom the truth as been revealed. So, in all that chaos, I told Cale to get his shoes on. Well, he couldn’t get his socks on straight and then couldn’t find his other boot, so of course a meltdown ensued. In anger and frustration I yelled at him and then turned around and walked out of the room. It wasn’t but a few nanoseconds later that hurt, shame and disgust overwhelmed me. I felt so awful. He’s four. He needs help. He expects me to lovingly give it and I acted like SUCH. A. BEAST. Who could love such a beast? So, I quickly walked back in the room I had just left where he was sitting on the floor beside his socks and holding his one boot. I kneeled in front of him and with ALL the sincerity and remorse I had I said, “Buddy, momma was wrong and mean and I am SO, SO sorry. Please forgive me." With tear-filled eyes and a quivering lip he looked at me and said, “It’s ok, momma, but I still can’t find my other boot.” With a steady stream of tears flowing down my face, I uttered, “I’ll help you find your boot.” And then, he leaned in, kissed my cheek and I hugged him like it was my job. His response made my shame and regret much, much worse. Why couldn’t he have just been mad at me? Why wouldn’t he refuse to look at me? Why didn’t he refuse my apology? Those were the things I deserved…not love and forgiveness. But, in that moment he showed me much grace. He showed me Jesus. And, he’s absolutely a child of God…because he didn’t get that from me.

That night as I was reading in my Bible the Spirit brought to light a new view on something I’d read many times. In Genesis 3, after “the fall,” you know where Adam and Eve eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and God sends them out from the Garden of Eden. The Bible says, “The LORD God said, ‘Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever-“22 therefore the LORD God sent him out from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken.”23 I always knew God wasn’t being mean there, that’s not His character. But, I always just thought it was the consequence for their sin. You ate what I told you not to, you leave the garden. Period. But, there was so much more to it. He knew if they stayed they’d end up eating from the tree of life and live forever…in sin. His plan is for us to live together with Him in eternity. Perfect and wonderful Heaven where there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. No more trials or struggle or sin. He didn’t want them to live forever where they were. He loved them so much that He had to remove them so they couldn’t ruin themselves. What love, what grace. May I remind you that the whole time they were conversing with the serpent and eating forbidden fruits and hiding and covering up with leaves, He didn’t yell. He didn’t lose patience or His temper. What a great lesson in discipline…and forgiveness for a parent like me.

I apologized to Cale. I apologized to my Heavenly Father. I asked for forgiveness and I asked for help doing it better. I haven’t yelled today. I know it’s just a day, but it was a day without yelling and a day that Cale didn’t once look at me with fear. So, I’d absolutely call it a win.

To me, being a parent is like that mirror with the 10x magnification (and light) that makes your pores look like craters, your eyebrow hairs like porcupine bristles and pretty much brings to light every facial flaw. This parenting gig brings to light what's wrong. It highlights where we are unlike Jesus. Being a parent doesn't make us "better," but, Christ's work in us as parent's does. So here's to our flaws, blemishes, ugliness and imperfections...because now that we know where they are, we can fix them. Thanks to our mirror.

Ella's 7!!

My first baby turned 7 on October 29th! That seems like such an "old" birthday and there is no baby left in her at all. We had a wonderful day celebrating the gift that she is!!

 

 

  

 

On November 17th she lost her first top tooth. It was a big deal. It had literally been hanging for weeks and just wouldn't come out. We were all pretty thrilled when it finally did.