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| "Awww, man! Another girl!" |
And we are so excited....of course, no one more than Ella!! She immediately wanted to know if we could go shopping. I'm so thankful the Lord saw fit to give her a sister, she has wanted one so badly. She wouldn't say that since losing the baby in June. She would've told you, "I just want a baby and it doesn't matter." Which she wholeheartedly meant, but deep down I knew her little heart longed for a girl.
Cale, well Cale, on the other hand cried. And followed it with, "But, I wanted a BOY! Are you sure it's not a boy!?! I think it's a boy!" When he first saw the ultrasound he goes, "Is that a skeleton?" Then after seeing it was in fact a baby he goes, "Is it naked? Why's it naked?!" Never a dull moment. He kisses and pats my belly constantly and says, "I love that baby." He's done it several times even since we've been home. So, I don't doubt that he will be head over heels for her when she arrives.
As for Matt and me. We are thankful that He has called us to be parents again, blessed to have been chosen to raise another daughter and point her to Him and mostly just humbled at His great works.
God is so very good. 1 Thessalonians 5 and Ephesians 5 talk about giving thanks to God in all circumstances. Since the miscarriage I've learned the importance in doing just that. And I even found myself thanking Him during the first trimester when I was sick as a dog and had my head in the toilet (also asking Him to just get me through it.) I've had two ultrasounds prior to today, but something was vastly different in my heart and mind. I guess as one of my friends put it I was "blissfully unaware" with Ella and Cale. After losing a baby it becomes very apparent the miracle that life truly is. There's a thousand things that could go wrong, a million things have to go right, and just as many of those things have to line up exactly as they're supposed to. I don't know the "science" of it all, but I know it's more than I could fathom. And I know that NONE of it happens without Him knowing and ordaining it. Psalm 139:13-14 says, "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it full well." I found such new and powerful meaning in that verse today. That is some astounding knitting that He does. I saw how she is longer and skinnier like Cale was. She had Ella's movement and mannerisms, they did the same things with their hands. We watched her yawn in real time...and it was remarkable. I stand in awe of Him and what He can do. I'm not surprised, coming from the one that speaks things into existence and "breathed the breath of life into man," but, nonetheless I got a very fresh view on how wonderful and marvelous He is.
Psalm 49:8 tells us redemption is costly. And I know that there were 1,000 reasons He had for taking the baby that He did, many I'll never know this side of heaven. I know He could still call this one home at anytime, they are His to take. And, that would be devastating. But, I've learned so much about Him in these past months. This time has been a huge lesson for me in faith and trust. And even when we can't understand His actions or they don't seem fair, it's just not ours to question. I know when it hurts, it's for my good. I know when I don't understand it's for His glory. And I know, that I know, that I KNOW His love for me is greater than any I've ever known and He doesn't want anything that's not for my good. I know these things, if for no other reason than seeing that miracle, that baby, today and knowing that He sent one and then sacrificed it for my life, for all of our lives. "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13
How could anything He does for me be anything but love?
