The "secret" of life...

Nine years ago, this week, I met Matt for the first time. I didn’t know when I first saw him that I was looking at the person the Lord had so intricately and perfectly made and prepared for me. I didn’t know when I first met him that he was about to change my life forever, in so many wonderful ways, (I also didn’t know he would exasperate me to the core of my being.) And, I didn’t know that the first, “Hello, it’s nice to meet you,” was coming from the one that I had prayed for so many years.

I started praying for my husband when I was in high school. I prayed for a Godly man, who had a heart for the Lord and would be a spiritual leader (Even though at that time it was probably most important for him to be cute, athletic, tall, dark and handsome). I prayed the Lord would put me with the man that He chose and made for me. Though, secretly, I wanted to pick “the one” and have the Lord be “OK” with the decision I had made. He doesn’t work that way. If we’re going to let him have it, we have to let Him have ALL of it and we have to be content with relinquishing the control that we selfishly need to keep us comfortable.

The Lord brought Matt to Auburn my junior year. We didn’t know each other. We may have crossed paths, but hadn’t met. Thinking back on this week of that year that we met, I was still praying that same prayer. I did it every night, so I’m sure I would have been doing it that week too. And, I was probably a little bitter that there were no "answers" in sight. Little did I know the prayer wasn’t ignored or forgotten, it had already been answered. In my mind, at that time, marriage had no prospects and was a lifetime away. By my senior year of college, I began to think that the Lord wasn’t concerned with the prayer I had been praying for my husband. So, I surrendered my control and was content with what appeared to be my “call to singleness.” (Dramatic? Probably a little.) Only God knew He was getting ready to give me what I had asked for in a greater way than I had even known to ask.

As I sit here now, thinking about that time in my life when I felt forgotten, I can see what the Lord was doing. God wasn’t ignoring my prayer; He was preparing Matt, He was preparing me and He was using that time to draw me closer to Himself, knowing all the while the answer to my prayer was literally around the corner…and had been. It makes me excited now to think of the things that I have been praying for that He has already “secretly” answered.

This is such a special week for me. I love to think of the MIGHTY work God was doing on our behalf nine years ago, it brings tears to my eyes and humbles my heart. I prayed over Jeremiah 29:11 for so long and with my whole heart, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” When we can’t believe anything else, we can believe His Word. What a blessing when we wait on the Lord. After all, anything that’s worth anything is worth the wait.

Ella's Christmas Program

Ella's school had a Christmas program. It was such a special event that the entire school participated in, grades K-12. They sang some beautiful songs. And we loved being part of such a special occasion that celebrated the birth of our Lord and Savior.

Ella before we left

Ella and Mama

Daddy's little girl

 

 

Kindergarteners during the program

 

 

 

 

 

Clearly, she was tickled with him

 

 

 

And, Cale

 

Praying for my kids...

I love the commercial that takes place in a high school. There’s a timid-looking, scrawny boy minding his own business when another boy runs by and slaps all his books out of his hand causing papers to fall out and go everywhere. As he bends down to pick them up the obviously popular jock comes over and helps him gather all of his things. It’s possible I cry every time. I want to raise kids like that-kids that genuinely care about others more than themselves. And in today’s world that’s a tough job. In a world that’s screaming, “It’s all about me,” how do we teach our children to care about others? To overcome selfishness? To step outside the box and instead of just watching when someone gets treated badly to step up and help? Or, most of all, that what the world is saying is wrong and that’s it’s “NOT about me at all?” It’s simple really. We point them to Jesus. We pray for them deliberately, intentionally and daily. The awesome thing is, He answers those prayers. Being a control freak myself, it’s hard to let that go. But, like most things it’s just not mine to hold onto. The shape of my children’s heart is in His hands. Their compassion and love for others comes from Him, not me. How do I know this? Because that’s where mine comes from…when I let Him do his job.

I went on a field trip with Ella this week. I don’t get to see her at school. I don’t see her interaction with her peers on a daily basis. Other than what her teacher tells me I don’t know how she acts when I’m not around. Obviously, we hope for the best. But, today I got to see all those things. I was humbled at the person the Lord is making her to be. I was thankful for his faithfulness in turning her into a respectful and obedient child. I see her everyday, but I was amazed at how much she’s grown. When we got home Matt asked how it went. I told him, “She is so good.” And, crying, I continued, “and I am so hard on her.” I feel like I’m always getting onto her about something, correcting her, disciplining her, rebuking her. Only to find out when I’m not around she acts like she remembers the things we’ve told her. My heart hurt a little. And then he said this, “Abby, don’t you think she’s that way because you are so hard on her?” Well, no, I didn’t. Really, it just makes me feel mean. And then it hit me. That’s how our heavenly father is with us. He’s not easy on us. He lets us go through things to toughen us up, make us stronger, things that are going to give us some spiritual muscle. We don’t become soldiers for Christ because he “babies” us, makes excuses for us or jumps in to save us from our battles. He lets us fail, allows us to mess up and loves us through it. If we let him, he picks us up and turns us around. I love Ella….with my whole heart. Even when I’m mad at her or disappointed. I discipline her because I love her not because I don’t. I expect a lot out of her because I know what she’s capable of. I correct her because I want her to be better than me. I want her to be like Him.

While we were on the field trip one of the moms came up to me who has a son in Ella’s class. She told me that one day while they were playing on the playground some of the boys were racing and her son got pushed down. He stayed on the ground for a minute and started crying. She said she watched as Ella got off her swing, helped him up and dusted him off. Ella then said, “Here, you can have my swing.” Answered prayer. I don’t say this because Ella is a “perfect and exceptional” child. She’s not. She’s human, she’s a sinner and she is a child. She pitches fits, has melt downs, is sassy at times and can back-talk like it’s her job. I’m not a perfect parent. I’m human, I’m a sinner, I’m just a parent. I lose my temper, I have no patience and she and I, on any day, go round and round. I say this because there is power in praying for our children. As parents, it is by far the most powerful tool we have in raising them. Pray for them and over them in all aspects of their lives and who they are. If there is something about our children that is a hardship or struggle, it’s probably because we haven’t prayed about it. And that is nobody’s fault but our own. The list goes on about ways in which we pray for our children. On any given day, any given parent could probably write a novel full of ways in which they could pray for their kids. And on a day-to-day basis it changes. But, there are some things I always pray for Ella and Cale. I pray they will grow to love the Lord with all they have. I pray they will walk so closely with Him that when they sin the holy spirit pounds them immediately with conviction, if not before. I pray they will be compassionate and humble and love like He does. I pray they will have a fire and passion in their hearts to learn His word and live from his truth. I pray that they will have a spirit of discernment and walk in obedience. And I pray their happiness comes from their obedience and love for Him, not from selfish desires or worldly things. Without fail I pray these things because I know that no matter how much money they make, how well known or popular or powerful they are, how awesome they are at relationships or how happy they may be, it means nothing if they don’t know the Lord. And, I know that with EVERY breath I take if I don’t point them to Jesus, then I haven’t done my job as a parent.

The Glue...

There’s a quote that says, “I’m not only thankful for who you are, but for who I am when I am with you.” I never thought about it much until now, but sadly, there are far too few people that bring out the best in us and people that we can say that about. I think we are beyond blessed when can count those people on one hand. My grandmother was one of those people. Three years ago, on Thanksgiving day, the Lord took her home. It makes a day like today bittersweet. Thanksgiving doesn’t look like it did 10 years ago. It used to be a huge event….all our family, too much food, lots of laughing and of course, fighting in the kitchen. It was the one holiday we waited for all year cause it meant we were ALL getting together, getting dressed up, eating awesome food and just loving each other past all irritation cause that’s what family does. Nana was glue. I know what you’re thinking, “You just called your grandmother glue? What in the world?” You don’t have to think about it too hard, every family has one. The one person that holds it all together, that held us all together. And, it seems in some way, when that one person is no longer around, it breaks. Like glue…it holds things together, but when the bond breaks the pieces fall apart. It’s not all sad, it’s not all bad. It’s the nature of life, it’s growing up. We have families, we move, we get in-laws or friends that though not blood inevitably infiltrate our lives in such a way that they are in a sense family. Life. It happens. Things change. We go forward. We don’t forget, we cherish the memories and then we make our own. The thing about glue, when something breaks, is that all the parts still have some bit of residue left that will not come off. All of our “pieces” have some glue on them. There’s most definitely a little piece of Nana “on” all of us. Probably more so than we thought.

I miss her terribly, more now than ever. But, I’m thankful for the memories and for the 27 years that I had to learn and grow from her. I learned so much, things I didn’t know I had until after she wasn’t around anymore. She wasn’t only the glue, she was a spiritual leader. Because of Nana, I know what true conviction looks like. I understand what it means to have a relationship with my heavenly father and walk with him daily. Out of all the things she gave me, that was priceless. I know how important that is. I called her with all my questions about the Bible or scripture. She’s not here, where do I go? The Lord. Sometimes, when the Lord takes our resident strong one, it’s because He has given us a divine appointment to step up. When I looked around and she wasn’t there, I had to look to Him on my own. Through the loss, there was great gain…there always is. He’s God. So, yes, today’s been difficult. But, it’s been filled with blessing. I’ve thought about our HUGE family gatherings all day and remembered her. I thought about what she looked like cooking in the kitchen and how I never thought I’d be able to pull off a Thanksgiving dinner. Today I planned a meal and delegated (some) responsibility to my husband and watched my son literally walk around in his daddy’s footsteps. Today I cooked with my little girl, who just like my grandmother, loves it more than anything. They are just alike. Today we made memories that I hope she will cherish, I know I will. And, maybe, just maybe, I got a little glue on my daughter…and over time, it’ll dry.

This is a list of some things about Nana that I hope to never forget. Most of it I wrote three years ago.

What I’ll miss most …
1. Your banana pudding. NOBODY can make it like you could.
2. The streak in the front of your hair.
3. How you could take a piece of clothing or jewelry that cost close to nothing and make it look like a million bucks just by wearing it.
4. Your unique style and awesome fashion sense.
5. Your laugh, I’m afraid I’ll forget how it sounded.
6. Your sense of humor.
7. Your bluntness and opinions. Like the preacher said at the funeral, “If Nancy Dee ever had an opinion she didn’t share, I didn’t know about it.”
8. Being able to call you with questions about the bible or scripture. I don’t know anyone else who has read it from cover to cover at least three times.
9. Your advice…I’ll never forget you telling me that it is ok to fight and have differences of opinions with the ones you love. “If you’re not fighting, someone’s not saying what they REALLY think.”
10. How you would get ready for our big family holiday gatherings and look so beautiful, but 30 minutes later come out in a raggedy tank top cause you were hot.
11. Giving Papa what for and keeping him in line.
12. Seeing you love him despite all irritation.
13. Reading with me and explaining English literature when I didn’t understand.
14. Your innate love of animals and ALL God’s creatures…I see that same quality in Ella.
15. You could take care of a dog as if you were a vet, without actually having gone to vet school.
16. Your cooking. How you didn’t need a recipe, you just kept tasting it to make sure it was how it was supposed to be.
17. Your ability to sew, hem and generally fix any wardrobe malfunction in seconds.
18. Calling to tell me how much you enjoyed reading the latest post on the blog, how talented you thought I was and how much you enjoyed looking at the pictures of the kids and how precious you thought they were.
19. Your hugs and the way you smell. It was all so comforting.
20. Your ability to find a priceless treasure in a junk store and your ability to find those “junk” stores.
21. Knowing we would ALWAYS have something to talk about as long as you were in the room.
22. Our shopping trips.
23. Our long talks
24. Even our short talks.
25. Calling it “Nana and Papa’s.”
26. Sitting in your room on your bed with all the girls talking about something or nothing.
27. Watching “Out of Africa” and “The Sound of Music” and “Anne of Green Gables,” without you I never would have.
28. All your dogs and meeting the latest stray whatever you happened to have found and brought home.
29. Your passion for the Lord and your strong convictions and beliefs about everything.
30. How anyone who knew you, knew exactly what you believed and how much you loved Jesus.
31. Hearing you sing in church while I stood beside you.
32. How you knew the words to the Hymns without having to look at the Hymnal.
33. Holidays at your house.
34. Watching you sport a ball cap as if you were walking down the red carpet.
35. Staying up late to watch movies.
36. Hearing my friends use words like “saucy”, “vivacious” and “spunky” to describe you and knowing they were right.
37. Watching you age without ever looking any older.
38. Watching you with my children.
39. Calling me every time you got a new planner to make sure you had birthdays and anniversaries correct.
40. Hearing stories about Papaw and your childhood.
41. The way you could write stories and poems.
42. Getting those poems in a birthday card, be it mine or Ella’s.
43. Knowing when I got in your car the radio would inevitably be on the “preaching” station.
44. Running errands around town and running into everyone you know because you knew EVERYONE.
45. How you were so proud of me, for no reason.
46. The summers I spent with you and Papa while I took some core classes…I’m SO thankful I did that.
47. Always asking me if I had gas money…even after I got married!
48. How it sounded when you said, “I love you.”
49. Snuggling up to you on the couch whether I was 5 or 25.
50. I could always count on you for an HONEST answer.
51. I could always count on you.
　

Cale"isms"

Just so I can remember…

He still says “I yub you too,” even if he says it first. If he says I yub you and you don’t say it back, like the actual words, he’ll say, “you didn’t say I yub you.”

He calls it a “tore” instead of a store. He loves to go to the tractor tore!

He says “er” instead of “or”. It’s hysterical. “I love Mama er Daddy er Ella,etc.”

He calls her Ewwa, still.

If he asks you a yes/no question and wants you to answer a certain way he will answer quickly for you. “Can I have some candy? Yes?”

He calls it bible “tudy.” Every night, without fail, we lay down all together, read the bible some, say prayers, then he leans over, hugs me tight and says, “Do you have to do bible tudy tonight? No?”

At 3 and 3 months he’s coming into his “boyhood.” I don’t really know how to explain that, but he’s just starting to change and gravitate toward Matt and the things he likes to do. For now, I’m ok with this, cause he still loves me a lot and wants to sit and be with me.

Dinner time is by far his most lovable time of day. The seat next to him we call the “sweet spot” cause whoever is sitting there gets hugs and kisses throughout the meal.

He likes naps. I love that! He says he doesn’t want to take one, but once the bed is in his sight he says he’s tired.

He kisses me to wake me up in the morning.

He sniffs me like a puppy and like Matt does. He is so much like Matt it’s scary. But, good!

He still likes hair. And he’ll tell you he likes your hair.

He is a massive charmer and major flirt….all the women and girls love him. This scares me a little.

He loves tomatoes. He eats them whole.

He loves strawberries, which are still “strawbebbies.”

He also likes Strawberry (Chortcake)…the cartoon, not the food

I wanna seep wish you…I wanna sleep with you

He loves to play with Ella.

He will actually color with a crayon a little while before he breaks it.

He LOVES his boots. He puts them on immediately after he gets out of the shower at night…it doesn’t matter that he’s going to bed.

He gives me hugs and kisses at will. Most of the time I don’t even have to ask.

He still doesn’t like dirt or any foreign substance on his hands.

He’s afraid of the dark, “it care me.”

He's beginning to loves blocks, legos, linkin logs and building things.

He is PURE JOY! Everywhere we go people want to know if he's always that sweet/happy. For the most part, the answer is yes!

Happy birthday, Ella!!

My First

Six years ago today, God changed my life in a MIGHTY way.

He entrusted me with a baby girl, made me a mother and blessed my world.

I'm so thankful that He gave her to me, I'm thankful for who He's making her to be!

My first, my gift, my joy, my pride. You're a little piece of Heaven here by my side!

 

Happy birthday, to the one who first called me "mom"!

Ella, I love you with my whole heart

Glory days...

My youngest brother came up from Auburn the other night to have dinner with us. He’s 3 months into the first semester of his freshman year. We were so glad he could make the time to come visit. And, what a great time we had talking to him and listening to his stories. We laughed and laughed. I was so thankful to hear how much he was enjoying himself, to hear about the friends he had, bible studies they were doing and sermons that they listened to in their free time. Be still my heart! I couldn’t have been more pleased to hear how being down there wasn’t a huge temptation to rebel and do bad things, but that he hadn’t ever spent so much time in the word as he does now. Thankful. My prayer for him, long before he ever left for college was that when he got there the Lord would literally FLOOD his life with people that loved Jesus and lived for Him. Not just people that talked a pretty talk, but lived it out. That he would be surrounded by men that walked closely with the Lord and had a working relationship. Oh, did He ever answer that prayer!

But, still, listening to his stories about late-night adventures, early morning study sessions, date parties, hanging out, going to bed whenever you wanted, getting up when you felt like it, nights of uninterrupted sleep and figuring out what independence looks like made me a little nostalgic, and for a moment, feeling rather old and a little sad. Seasons of our life go by so quickly and the older we get the quicker they come and go. It made me sad to think that my time at Auburn was over, the sorority life was a distant memory and that life of seemingly no responsibility and just enjoying your friends and learning and building relationships had come to a close. A breath. It was literally a breath. And, like that, almost 8 years later (ouch!) here I am.

The Lord is an awesome teacher, I’ve said it before. And, this particular night after Zach had gone back and I was left to reminisce about those “glory days” the Lord showed up again. As I was laying with Matt on the couch watching TV and our two little angels were quietly sleeping in the next room, He gave me such a vivid picture and flooded my mind with the feelings and thoughts that I had at 19. I wanted to get married and have babies. I dreamed of this man that I knew He was preparing for me and what our life would look like together. On the same note, there were many times that I worried there wouldn’t be a man for me or that maybe I had missed him because I wasn’t paying attention. He reminded me of the passion I had for being a mother, to rock babies, change diapers and spend my days cuddling and loving. Now, I loved my college years and I can honestly say I didn’t wish away a single day, but like any normal girl we worry about what the future looks like. And, I was no different.

In that moment it hit me that everything I had wanted at 19, he had given my in excess by the time I was 30. Like He promises, blessings overflowing into my lap. And laying there, beside Matt on a couch too small for two adults, was awesome. Because it meant he had to hold me a little closer so that we both fit. The fact that he’s a tad frugal and won’t turn the heat on until the last possible minute was perfect because we used the super-soft oversized blanket my grandmother had given us to keep warm. And, the two littles sleeping in the other room were perfectly healthy, perfectly happy and had perfectly taught me a little more of how my Father in Heaven loves me. Answered prayers.

Now let me veer here for a moment to say that this isn’t a “fluff” piece on what a wonderful life looks like and how perfect mine is…it’s not. Real life is hard and on any given day that man laying next to me at some point had inevitably made my blood boil with anger like no one else could and those two sleeping “angels” if you walked through the door at just the right time would be aiding me in a loss of patience and sanity that could only be described as something you’d see in a scene from Poltergeist (though I haven’t seen it). What it is though, are moments where we find some clarity and become thankful for the things we often take for granted. Those moments, that the Lord uses to reveal to us how faithful He is and the way that He has answered our prayers. Yes, college was fun. Yes, I miss it sometimes. But, in the words of Edwin McCain, right now, “I could not ask for more.” There’s no greater encouragement than that you get from seeing your prayers get answered. What a testament to how He loves us, cares for us and shows His goodness and faithfulness in our lives!