Moment of Clarity

The other night Ella and I were on our way to Matt's softball game. She was in her carseat, we were talking and she was super excited about the dog that was hanging out the window of the SUV driving next to us. After a moment we passed by a La Petit Academy. An overwhelming and undeniable feeling filled my body and my eyes filled with tears...like the BIG crocodile kind that you can't hold back even when you stretch out your face and start thinking about something else. I don't have anything against this particular academy, I don't know any body that goes there, I've never even seen it before. But at that moment the Lord placed something on my heart - a thought, a truth, a not to distant reality crossed my mind...one day will come and I will have to drop my little girl off at school and leave her! Not there, but somewhere she will begin her education and our days of reading books, watching movies, playing make-believe and just all together hanging out and cuddling will end. Sometimes staying at home is trying, it's hard. There are days that I think, "I don't think I can do this," or "I'm not so sure I'm doing a very good job." Sometimes my patience are tested and some days I count the minutes for Matt to get home so I can have some relief, help or just a tiny break. As a mother, I have to believe at some point we all feel this way. But, at that moment, I was simply nothing short of thankful. And without closing my eyes (because I was driving) I prayed and thanked the Lord for not only blessing me with Ella, but making it possible for me to stay home with her where at least for a little while I don't have to miss a thing. I thanked Him for that moment of clarity where I saw how important it is for me to enjoy this time and relish in EVERY single moment that she learns and grows right in front of my face. Of all the things I've seen or done or been through there is nothing greater than seeing the look on her face through her struggles and frustrations and then watching her "light up" when she finally gets it right. There's nothing more rewarding than being her translator because I'm the only one who spends my days learning her language and teaching her what words mean or how to say them. And though there are times that I think I might just lose my mind if I have to hear or sit through one more Disney movie, cartoon or crazy kid show on NOGGIN-I wouldn't trade it for the world. Sometimes I feel as if I have lost intelligence significantly since I graduated or that I just might have forgotten how to hold an "adult conversation" because I spend my days reading books with nothing more than two-syllable words or playing with toys for 2+. But then I think of those people who don't get to do what I do and see what I see everyday. I'm overwhelmed at the thought that the Lord gave me a heart to shape, other than my own, and the responsibility to teach another person basically everything. I guess that's where I'll find my intelligence. I don't know why that academy, I don't know why that moment. I've learned not to question Him either. Whatever the reason, I'm grateful for the lesson and even more so for that small moment that had such considerable impact.