I read a sticker one time that said, “Being a parent has made me a better person.” I don’t know who said it, but it makes me wonder if whoever did actually had children. Because I can tell you with complete certainty that most days, as a parent, I feel like the worst person in the world. I feel worse about myself as a parent more than I ever did when I was in high school or college. Because we all know at that age we were God’s gift to everyone...I jest. I’ve heard it said a thousand times, “If you want to know how selfish you are, have a baby.” I wholeheartedly agree, and I’d also add on top of selfish: impatient, prideful, scared, controlling and close-minded to name a few. The thing is, being a parent didn’t make me better, it, in fact showed me how wretched I really am. It shows me my need for a Savior, my need for grace and exactly how FAR I have to go to be a “better” person.
I saw my wretchedness in the most awful way last week. It culminated in an overflow or hormones, frustration, anger and misplaced priorities with my sweet Cale. I don’t really want to write this down, but I REALLY don’t want to forget it either. It was getting close to time to go pick up Ella from school. We were almost ready and I was quickly trying to thaw meat, throw it in the crock pot for dinner and fix his lunch and mine so we could shovel it in as we walked out the door. If you thought I was “good” at being a stay-at-home mom the truth as been revealed. So, in all that chaos, I told Cale to get his shoes on. Well, he couldn’t get his socks on straight and then couldn’t find his other boot, so of course a meltdown ensued. In anger and frustration I yelled at him and then turned around and walked out of the room. It wasn’t but a few nanoseconds later that hurt, shame and disgust overwhelmed me. I felt so awful. He’s four. He needs help. He expects me to lovingly give it and I acted like SUCH. A. BEAST. Who could love such a beast? So, I quickly walked back in the room I had just left where he was sitting on the floor beside his socks and holding his one boot. I kneeled in front of him and with ALL the sincerity and remorse I had I said, “Buddy, momma was wrong and mean and I am SO, SO sorry. Please forgive me." With tear-filled eyes and a quivering lip he looked at me and said, “It’s ok, momma, but I still can’t find my other boot.” With a steady stream of tears flowing down my face, I uttered, “I’ll help you find your boot.” And then, he leaned in, kissed my cheek and I hugged him like it was my job. His response made my shame and regret much, much worse. Why couldn’t he have just been mad at me? Why wouldn’t he refuse to look at me? Why didn’t he refuse my apology? Those were the things I deserved…not love and forgiveness. But, in that moment he showed me much grace. He showed me Jesus. And, he’s absolutely a child of God…because he didn’t get that from me.
That night as I was reading in my Bible the Spirit brought to light a new view on something I’d read many times. In Genesis 3, after “the fall,” you know where Adam and Eve eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and God sends them out from the Garden of Eden. The Bible says, “The LORD God said, ‘Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever-“22 therefore the LORD God sent him out from the Garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken.”23 I always knew God wasn’t being mean there, that’s not His character. But, I always just thought it was the consequence for their sin. You ate what I told you not to, you leave the garden. Period. But, there was so much more to it. He knew if they stayed they’d end up eating from the tree of life and live forever…in sin. His plan is for us to live together with Him in eternity. Perfect and wonderful Heaven where there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. No more trials or struggle or sin. He didn’t want them to live forever where they were. He loved them so much that He had to remove them so they couldn’t ruin themselves. What love, what grace. May I remind you that the whole time they were conversing with the serpent and eating forbidden fruits and hiding and covering up with leaves, He didn’t yell. He didn’t lose patience or His temper. What a great lesson in discipline…and forgiveness for a parent like me.
I apologized to Cale. I apologized to my Heavenly Father. I asked for forgiveness and I asked for help doing it better. I haven’t yelled today. I know it’s just a day, but it was a day without yelling and a day that Cale didn’t once look at me with fear. So, I’d absolutely call it a win.
To me, being a parent is like that mirror with the 10x magnification (and light) that makes your pores look like craters, your eyebrow hairs like porcupine bristles and pretty much brings to light every facial flaw. This parenting gig brings to light what's wrong. It highlights where we are unlike Jesus. Being a parent doesn't make us "better," but, Christ's work in us as parent's does. So here's to our flaws, blemishes, ugliness and imperfections...because now that we know where they are, we can fix them. Thanks to our mirror.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Ella's 7!!
My first baby turned 7 on October 29th! That seems like such an "old" birthday and there is no baby left in her at all. We had a wonderful day celebrating the gift that she is!!
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On November 17th she lost her first top tooth. It was a big deal. It had literally been hanging for weeks and just wouldn't come out. We were all pretty thrilled when it finally did.
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Tuesday, October 22, 2013
To be, or not to be....gentle: That is the question.
When Ella was younger she had an immense fear of thunderstorms. And by fear, I mean she was TERRIFIED. It didn’t matter if it was during the day or night, if every light in the house was on, or if she were sitting in my lap. When she witnessed that first streak of lightning or heard the first roll of thunder (no matter how loud) terror would consume her face and her whole body would start trembling. It didn’t matter to her that we explained God made the thunder and it was good for the outside. In an effort to appeal to the animal fanatic in her we tried explaining that the storms gave the wild animals and plants something to drink, would cool them off and the thunder was just telling them to take cover, they were about to get wet. It didn’t amuse her that lightning made the grass greener. It got so bad that she would be worried about a storm coming before there were any signs of one. If there was a cloud in the sky she’d start asking me if it was going to storm. She was so worried about something that hadn’t even happened yet. And like Ella, I don’t know how many times I’ve worried about something that never even came to pass when the Word literally tells me “not to be anxious about anything” and “God did not give us a spirit of fear.” In fact I did it beautifully several weeks ago.
We’d been sitting at the intersection of struggle and uncertainty for awhile, but, since there’s beauty in the process, God revealed His faithfulness when the enemy wanted me to think that He wasn’t. After having a miscarriage in June, we found out two months later in August that we were pregnant again (Not the faithfulness I'm referring to...I'll get there). But, there’s so much emotion in that sentence alone. How thankful, what a blessing, how exciting-absolutely! And I was sure that a pregnancy now would make the rest of the year so much more bearable seeing as how I would’ve been pregnant anyway. But, it was harder than I thought. This baby I carry now doesn’t replace the one we lost. It’s a different baby, an entirely different life and one doesn’t supplant the other. So, there I sat, approaching the same week in which we lost Aubrey and I had no way of knowing if this time would be any different. I was terrified of the outcome. At this point I’d been asking God for months what He was teaching me, what He wanted me to learn, what He was doing in our life through this course of events over the past several months and I got nothing. There was such an outpour of His spirit on us after we lost the baby and then it was like He moved on and got busy doing something else. There was such a dry season after that. But, He had to build a foundation under me. He had to break me so that I would have a teachable spirit and know that it was Him. He had to drive me to a point of letting go of things He never intended me to hold onto. He had to remind me not to worry about the things I had no control over. But, after getting used to the fact that I was clearly insisting on answers He wasn’t ready to give yet, He finally spoke up. “I want you to trust me with MY outcome.” Because if we’re being honest, I didn’t. In theory I did, in my mind I wanted to. But, it took more strength than I had to really say and believe, “I trust what you’re doing and I’m ok with WHATEVER. This baby is yours and not mine and I accept your will without any retaliation on my part.” I know in my mind ALL the time the truth-God is good, God is love, His plan is perfect, He works things for our good, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. But, though I know it my mind, I don't always feel it in my heart. I think our moments of greatest faith come when we have to fight to believe what we know to be true. Our mind knows it, but our hearts don't. That's why He says the "heart is deceitful above all things." Faith is kind of a tricky thing. So many times we want proof and that’s not what faith promises. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Trusting Him with our future, the outcome, what our next steps look like, our fears or worries can be very difficult in our own strength. Exhausting, really. Sometimes we just can’t let go. But, why not let our unknown go to the only One that knows. We can’t lose there. James 5:11 says, “We count those blessed those who have endured.” And we see it through the models of our faith in scripture; Job, Jeremiah, David, Abraham, Moses, the list goes on. When we don’t know where else to go we can always ignite some fresh strength through their lives.
For the past couple weeks I’ve been doing a Precept study on the Sermon on the Mount. I didn’t know when I started it that He was going to use it in a mighty way, but He did. So, during this study I learned that often times the original languages of words in the Bible mean very different things than our modern-day meanings. Ergo, we must understand how a word was intended at that time as opposed to what we perceive it to mean today in order to correctly understand and apply scripture. So, I did a word study on “gentle.” The Greek word for gentle is praus. And it means, “mildness of disposition. A disposition of spirit in which we accept God’s dealings with us as good, without dispute or resisting.” It stems from “trust in God’s goodness and control over the situation.” I had no idea, never in a million years would I have defined it that way, but how amazing. Obviously, He put that in front of me at just the right time. Like any good teacher, He told me what He wanted me to be and then showed me how it looks. I always thought I was gentle, but by God’s standards I wasn’t, especially not with this. And when He said He wanted me to trust Him with the outcome, this is what He meant. He wanted me to have a spirit of gentleness. And I can assure you, He wouldn't move me forward an iota until that happened. It's funny sometimes, the thing The Lord wants us to work on is something that's not even in the card catalog of our mind. I was focused on one thing and God was like, "I wanna work on this thing over here." You can bet that it stopped me in my tracks that after all these months He set up camp at "gentle." We just never know where our weaknesses are until He decides to reveal it.
Sometime before the miscarriage in June I had a "feeling" something wasn't right. In that moment of uncertainty and fear I felt the presence of God grab on with this thought, "You can pray for the health of this baby or you can pray for my will." With tears streaming down my face I hit my knees on the kitchen floor and prayed for His will in our lives and with the pregnancy. It was the beginning of my lesson in gentleness and I didn't even know it. Since finding out about this baby He's forced me to my knees on so many occasions. I have to "let go" daily. It was never about the baby we lost or the one He’s given now. It’s always been about trusting Him no matter the circumstances because He knows so much better. It was about learning to get past my selfishness and need for “control,“ the need for answers and things being the way I “thought” they should. It was about my prayer life. The Spirit intercedes for us and we are able to pray the things that bring us to Him and keep us in His will. Even when we feel like we don't have the strength to really say, "Father, your will be done." It turns out sometimes that's all we can muster up. It's a battle everyday, but in His faithfulness He's brought me to a place that when the enemy lies to me about this pregnancy and the plans the Lord has, I can say, "Flee from me Satan, I count it all joy because everything from his hand is good and you‘ve been a liar and deceiver from the beginning."
I was asking God like much was at stake, because there was. Matthew 5:5 says, “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.” I’m so thankful the Lord taught me about His definition of gentle. If He hadn’t I could’ve gone the rest of my life thinking that I was, when in all reality I wasn’t at all.
We’d been sitting at the intersection of struggle and uncertainty for awhile, but, since there’s beauty in the process, God revealed His faithfulness when the enemy wanted me to think that He wasn’t. After having a miscarriage in June, we found out two months later in August that we were pregnant again (Not the faithfulness I'm referring to...I'll get there). But, there’s so much emotion in that sentence alone. How thankful, what a blessing, how exciting-absolutely! And I was sure that a pregnancy now would make the rest of the year so much more bearable seeing as how I would’ve been pregnant anyway. But, it was harder than I thought. This baby I carry now doesn’t replace the one we lost. It’s a different baby, an entirely different life and one doesn’t supplant the other. So, there I sat, approaching the same week in which we lost Aubrey and I had no way of knowing if this time would be any different. I was terrified of the outcome. At this point I’d been asking God for months what He was teaching me, what He wanted me to learn, what He was doing in our life through this course of events over the past several months and I got nothing. There was such an outpour of His spirit on us after we lost the baby and then it was like He moved on and got busy doing something else. There was such a dry season after that. But, He had to build a foundation under me. He had to break me so that I would have a teachable spirit and know that it was Him. He had to drive me to a point of letting go of things He never intended me to hold onto. He had to remind me not to worry about the things I had no control over. But, after getting used to the fact that I was clearly insisting on answers He wasn’t ready to give yet, He finally spoke up. “I want you to trust me with MY outcome.” Because if we’re being honest, I didn’t. In theory I did, in my mind I wanted to. But, it took more strength than I had to really say and believe, “I trust what you’re doing and I’m ok with WHATEVER. This baby is yours and not mine and I accept your will without any retaliation on my part.” I know in my mind ALL the time the truth-God is good, God is love, His plan is perfect, He works things for our good, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. But, though I know it my mind, I don't always feel it in my heart. I think our moments of greatest faith come when we have to fight to believe what we know to be true. Our mind knows it, but our hearts don't. That's why He says the "heart is deceitful above all things." Faith is kind of a tricky thing. So many times we want proof and that’s not what faith promises. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Trusting Him with our future, the outcome, what our next steps look like, our fears or worries can be very difficult in our own strength. Exhausting, really. Sometimes we just can’t let go. But, why not let our unknown go to the only One that knows. We can’t lose there. James 5:11 says, “We count those blessed those who have endured.” And we see it through the models of our faith in scripture; Job, Jeremiah, David, Abraham, Moses, the list goes on. When we don’t know where else to go we can always ignite some fresh strength through their lives.
For the past couple weeks I’ve been doing a Precept study on the Sermon on the Mount. I didn’t know when I started it that He was going to use it in a mighty way, but He did. So, during this study I learned that often times the original languages of words in the Bible mean very different things than our modern-day meanings. Ergo, we must understand how a word was intended at that time as opposed to what we perceive it to mean today in order to correctly understand and apply scripture. So, I did a word study on “gentle.” The Greek word for gentle is praus. And it means, “mildness of disposition. A disposition of spirit in which we accept God’s dealings with us as good, without dispute or resisting.” It stems from “trust in God’s goodness and control over the situation.” I had no idea, never in a million years would I have defined it that way, but how amazing. Obviously, He put that in front of me at just the right time. Like any good teacher, He told me what He wanted me to be and then showed me how it looks. I always thought I was gentle, but by God’s standards I wasn’t, especially not with this. And when He said He wanted me to trust Him with the outcome, this is what He meant. He wanted me to have a spirit of gentleness. And I can assure you, He wouldn't move me forward an iota until that happened. It's funny sometimes, the thing The Lord wants us to work on is something that's not even in the card catalog of our mind. I was focused on one thing and God was like, "I wanna work on this thing over here." You can bet that it stopped me in my tracks that after all these months He set up camp at "gentle." We just never know where our weaknesses are until He decides to reveal it.
Sometime before the miscarriage in June I had a "feeling" something wasn't right. In that moment of uncertainty and fear I felt the presence of God grab on with this thought, "You can pray for the health of this baby or you can pray for my will." With tears streaming down my face I hit my knees on the kitchen floor and prayed for His will in our lives and with the pregnancy. It was the beginning of my lesson in gentleness and I didn't even know it. Since finding out about this baby He's forced me to my knees on so many occasions. I have to "let go" daily. It was never about the baby we lost or the one He’s given now. It’s always been about trusting Him no matter the circumstances because He knows so much better. It was about learning to get past my selfishness and need for “control,“ the need for answers and things being the way I “thought” they should. It was about my prayer life. The Spirit intercedes for us and we are able to pray the things that bring us to Him and keep us in His will. Even when we feel like we don't have the strength to really say, "Father, your will be done." It turns out sometimes that's all we can muster up. It's a battle everyday, but in His faithfulness He's brought me to a place that when the enemy lies to me about this pregnancy and the plans the Lord has, I can say, "Flee from me Satan, I count it all joy because everything from his hand is good and you‘ve been a liar and deceiver from the beginning."
I was asking God like much was at stake, because there was. Matthew 5:5 says, “Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth.” I’m so thankful the Lord taught me about His definition of gentle. If He hadn’t I could’ve gone the rest of my life thinking that I was, when in all reality I wasn’t at all.
Monday, September 9, 2013
What I didn't know...
During the time we were what seemed like "effortlessly" getting pregnant with Ella and then Cale, Matt had several friends that were dealing with multiple miscarriages and/or infertility. We didn't know what that was like. It had just been easy for us. I remember him coming home from work and telling me "so and so" had had another miscarriage or "so and so" was going on another month with no pregnancy. I remember crying for that couple...that mother. I didn't understand, but could completely ache and sympathize regardless. It probably sounds a little dramatic and a lot crazy, but I remember doubting that if Matt and I ever experienced that kind of struggle that our marriage would make it. Maybe that was the reason it was easy for us, I thought. I was overly sensitive and compassionate. Trial and struggle used to BREAK me. I would fall apart. Matt was, nicely put, lacking ALL compassion and sensitivity. It didn't make for a good combination. But, over time we grew together and spiritually. The Lord taught us to lean on and look to Him. He made it perfectly clear that He's all we need and He ALWAYS comes first. I was thinking the other day about the baby we lost and what I used to think that would make life like for us. After 8 1/2 years together, the thing I thought would tear us apart actually brought us closer together. Matt looked at me a couple days ago and said something I'll never forget. He said, "Abby, you know I thought if we ever lost a baby you'd buckle. I had no idea you'd stand like you have. I'm really blown away." After a grin and slight giggle I said, "I thought I would too. And I have to say I'm blown away by your compassion and sensitivity. I didn't know you had it in you." We couldn't of done it, either of us, without the comfort and strength of our Heavenly Father. Without Him, I would've fallen apart, without Him, Matt would've gone all "Scrooge" and shut down. I'm so thankful for that work He did in our marriage. And I can't hug that baby and say thank you today, but one day I will.
I've learned some valuable lessons and irreplaceable truths already. I'm not capable of healing my own body or heart or mind and neither is Matt, but Jesus is. I can trust Him with my feelings and my family because He is a good God and He is EVER for us. I thought it was weird that He called us to have a baby and then "changed His mind." But, I didn't know the growth He had in store. I didn't know He would fill the gaps of our marriage so full of Himself that they'd be stronger than they ever were and we'd come out on the other side refined and more like Him. And I know you might be thinking, "it was just a miscarriage, there are worse things." And, I agree. But, we all fear different things and there are things that we just might not think we can handle. But, we are loved with an everlasting love, and that love is enough to conquer our fear and doubts. God is enough and He can overcome our grief, He can overshadow our own weaknesses. And He can sweep us up in a beautiful world of hope and healing. When He tells us we can do "all things through Him," that's exactly what He means.
"And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver, and test them as gold is tested. They will call upon my name, and I will answer them. I will say, 'They are my people'; and they will say, 'The Lord is my God." Zechariah 13:9
"Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10
"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10
"The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the Lord tests hearts." Proverbs 17:3
Friday, August 30, 2013
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
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It's August. The month we would've found out if Aubrey was a boy or girl. The baby would be moving and Ella and Cale would be able to feel it too. Ella would sit there for hours waiting to feel it if she had to because that's just how important and awesome it would be to her. Joy would cover her face with every move she felt. These thoughts flooded my mind yesterday and I lost it. I got in the shower to cry by myself. When I got out I sat in the floor, tears still streaming down my face. The picture above is when Cale walked in. He didn't say a word, but grabbed some toilet paper and started wiping my face. Now, I've always been a cryer, but lately the tears are different. They used to just kind of lightly stream down my face slowly and gracefully. They're heavier now. They're bigger, they actually leave wet trails down my cheeks. It's like they're racing each other to fall in my lap. As if each tear has an anchor attached to it. It's like they know a different hurt.
I have strong moments. Really really, brave moments where I'm proud of myself and my inner me is all like, "You go girl! This is what biblical trial looks like. You believe that there's good here and you wear it well." And then there are moments like these, where all the growth and healing feels like it never happened. Moments that don't feel strong and are far from brave. Moments that feel like it will feel like this forever. Moments that feel like for the step i just took forward, i took two back.
Sometimes I wish I could forget, sometimes I wish we wouldn't have gotten pregnant at all if we were going to lose it anyway. Sometimes I ask Him why we got pregnant for such a short amount of time. What could possibly be the point in that? Sometimes it makes me mad. Sometimes I don't know what I'm learning here, sometimes I feel like I don't know much of anything at all.
But, like always, He is enough. In Genesis Joseph's brothers sell him to the Ishmaelites who later sell him in Egypt. Some time after that he gets put in prison. None of which sound like fun or I would imagine made any sense to Joseph at that time. But, God sees the big picture. Later Joseph rises to power and is able to save his family from the famine. If Joseph had never been betrayed, hated and sold by his brothers, he never would've been able to save their lives. I'm sure he didn't see that coming.
So, I am reminded that in the midst of my confusion, uncertainty and heartache God gets it. And in the moments before he gives me clarity or shows me where to go I just have to swap a feeling for a feeling. I can only feel one feeling at a time. So I swap my anger for thankfulness, I swap my discontentment for trust and I swap my sadness for joy. I can do all that through Him and only Him. And then maybe, just maybe...I took another step forward.
I get frustrated at my children for having to tell them the same things over and over. Things that sound something like, "I already said No," "Please be nice to your brother/sister," "Clean up that mess," "Keep the food at the table," "PLEASE stop whining," and so forth. Then this happens....I step back, again. In my flesh and weakness the enemy throws the bait of some struggle back in my face and I bite every time. In my despair I go to the same promises and truths that The Lord's so faithfully showed me. I get in His word and He works through it. My faith my fail, but then He reminds me of the things I seemed to have forgotten, "I died for you, you can glorify me here." "I've got this." He continually has to repeat himself with me. And I stand in hypocrisy once more.
It's always interesting to me that the places I fail are always the places God takes me Himself and I'm drenched with Grace, may I cover my children in that same grace. Remembering all the while that He will Clean. Up. My. Mess.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
To Ella:
7 Things You Need to Know about Your Heavenly Father:
More than worldly ‘success’, I want you to be obedient to what the Lord calls you to do no matter the cost. More than popularity, I want you to know relationship with your Heavenly Father in a deep and personal way. More than academic knowledge I want you to have biblical wisdom. And more than common sense, I want you to have a spirit of discernment that you’ll know His voice as well or better than you know mine when we are talking together. But, mostly I want you to have a heart like His. That you’ll be a light in this world and glorify Him in all you do. I pray all these things for you, and now I want you to know some things about your Heavenly Father that I wish I had known so much earlier in my life. He has entrusted me with enormous responsibility. It is my job to point you to Him with every breath I take and so my “mommy brain” doesn’t forget some of the basics I’m writing them down so we can talk about them together from time to time.
1. Your Heavenly Father will speak to you softly and in quiet moments.
God speaks to our hearts and minds. I can’t tell you exactly what it sounds like. But, you’ll know, you’ll feel it in your heart. I’ve been praying that you would have a spirit of discernment for such a long time. I want this so badly for you. The enemy will lie to you. He will tell you things that sound true, but aren’t. Remember, he tried to lie to Jesus in the desert and trick him using scripture. When the enemy tells you lies, it will make you doubt. That’s your red flag right there- the doubt. John 10: 27 says, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” You will know it when you hear it, and if it’s the Holy Spirit you will have NO DOUBT. So train yourself, spend time with Him and hide His Word in your heart and mind so you’ll also know when it’s being used as a lie. It took me a long time to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit. My dad is a loud, type A, aggressive person. When I was a child and he would yell for me, my shoulders would shrug up to my ears, my body flinched and my heart would jump up into my throat. Whether or not I knew I was in trouble I could always tell by his tone. So, I thought the holy spirit would sound like that….you know, when God, who created the entire world, wanted to talk to me or discipline me then the heavens would open and His voice would beckon me like the thunder. That’s not so, He whispers to us and if we’re not paying attention, we miss it. So, be a good listener.
2. He’s a GREAT teacher, the best.
Don’t go looking for someone else to teach you what only He can. He knows you better than anyone, even me. He knows the hairs on your head. He knows the things you want, the things you need and the things you “think” you want, but don’t need. Let Him do His job. All scripture is “breathed out by God.“ So, when you don’t know the answer, I assure you it’s in His word. He knows what you’ve been through, what’s to come and how you’ll handle those things. Nothing surprises Him. His plan is perfect. Let Him lead you in all things, ALL THINGS! And also, the moment you’re convinced He needs to teach someone a lesson is when He will teach you one. He’s ALL about teaching humility…and those lessons are always fun to learn. Except not.
3. He disciplines out of LOVE
He is patient and forgiving, those are beautiful attributes of His character. It’s so important that you know this. Most of the time I fail here as your mom. I discipline you sometimes out of anger, sometimes because what you did “inconvenienced” me in some way, and sometimes because you didn’t do what I thought you should or wanted you to. I’m trying to be more like Him in this way, but I’ll always be a sinner no matter how hard I try and your Heavenly Father, unlike me, will never discipline you out of inconvenience or anger. Revelation 3:19 says, “Those whom I love, I discipline.” When you know that He is disciplining you; repent and know that He loves you. He loves you too much to let you continue in your sin! His discipline is a GOOD thing!
4. He is LOVE and loves you as if you were the only one.
Last week in school you had to memorize John 3:16. That pretty much sums up the gospel and His love for us. “For God so loved the world, he gave His only son.“ I don’t love anybody enough to give you up, but I’m not Jesus. He loves you with an everlasting love. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.“ John 15:9. Romans tells us that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us“. So, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done. You could never do anything that would make Him love you less. He is greater than all your sin. He died for it. We live in a world based on “conditional love.” Love that comes with strings. People will “love” you because you act a certain way or do certain things, maybe even because of how you look or what you wear. There will be people in your life that will make you feel like if you mess up or don’t do it their way they won’t love you anymore. My best advice is look to Him for your love and your approval, His opinion IS the ONLY one that matters.
5. He will push you.
“Comfort” is not His thing. So if you are comfortable, then get ready to move. This is pretty much life. Without Him, we’re not equipped for anything. But, He will call you to do things you won’t feel equipped to do. Pray, lean on Him and then be assured you have everything you need to accomplish His call. In Him is where we do more than we ever thought we could. Those things that we’ll look back afterward and go, “I can’t believe I did that.“ We are never fighting a bigger battle than when we are doing work for the kingdom-no matter what that work is. And you don’t have to be good at it, just available. And, know that in this place where God is pushing you, Satan is fighting you. For every good and perfect thing God does you better know Satan has a counterfeit.
6. His “good” is not always what you’ll deem as “good.”
Sometimes things happen that don’t seem good or fair. That doesn’t mean that it’s not His will or that you‘re being punished. If you’re living in unrepentant sin that may be the case, but if you’re seeking Him then He’s teaching you something and drawing you closer to Himself. Not all trials are a result of our sin, When you want to strengthen a muscle you work it, hard. So, sometimes He works our “spiritual muscles.“ James and Romans both talk about trials in tribulation and rejoicing in our sufferings. His will is perfect, He sees the big picture. We don’t. You just have to trust Him. This can be hard. So, be honest, tell Him it’s hard. He may or may not give you understanding at that time, but He will always give you peace and comfort. Romans 8:28 says, “He works all things together for the good of those who love Him.” The word “all” there, literally means everything. So, when it seems bad (and there will be bad) just know that He Will bring good out of it. God WILL do what He says He will do, He will make good on His promises-EVERY TIME!
7. He wants a relationship with YOU.
You are not just a number in a world of billions. You aren’t just a being He created and left to fend for yourself. You are a DAUGHTER of the one true King and Creator of the World. You are an heir to God and His kingdom! He is your Father. You are in first grade right now. When your dad or I pick you up from school, you TALK. OUR. EARS. OFF. You give every detail of your day, including who picked their nose, how many times you went to the bathroom, who said what and what made you laugh. Do this with God. Talk to him all day about all things. He wants to know the details of your life. And the more you talk to Him and include Him in those details the easier it is for you to depend on Him for not just the big things, but the little things too. The world tells us God is too busy. He’s got too much going on. One, single being isn’t important to the creator of the world. But, you were important enough for Him to create in the first place, and He doesn’t do anything that won’t bring Him glory….so, glorify HIM!
I can honestly tell you that I’ve learned the most about 1-7 just in the almost 7 years that I’ve been a parent. I learned so much about how He loves us because of how I love you and your brother. I don’t know how anyone could parent without Jesus. I don’t know how anybody does anything without Jesus. And I never want you to.
More than worldly ‘success’, I want you to be obedient to what the Lord calls you to do no matter the cost. More than popularity, I want you to know relationship with your Heavenly Father in a deep and personal way. More than academic knowledge I want you to have biblical wisdom. And more than common sense, I want you to have a spirit of discernment that you’ll know His voice as well or better than you know mine when we are talking together. But, mostly I want you to have a heart like His. That you’ll be a light in this world and glorify Him in all you do. I pray all these things for you, and now I want you to know some things about your Heavenly Father that I wish I had known so much earlier in my life. He has entrusted me with enormous responsibility. It is my job to point you to Him with every breath I take and so my “mommy brain” doesn’t forget some of the basics I’m writing them down so we can talk about them together from time to time.
1. Your Heavenly Father will speak to you softly and in quiet moments.
God speaks to our hearts and minds. I can’t tell you exactly what it sounds like. But, you’ll know, you’ll feel it in your heart. I’ve been praying that you would have a spirit of discernment for such a long time. I want this so badly for you. The enemy will lie to you. He will tell you things that sound true, but aren’t. Remember, he tried to lie to Jesus in the desert and trick him using scripture. When the enemy tells you lies, it will make you doubt. That’s your red flag right there- the doubt. John 10: 27 says, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” You will know it when you hear it, and if it’s the Holy Spirit you will have NO DOUBT. So train yourself, spend time with Him and hide His Word in your heart and mind so you’ll also know when it’s being used as a lie. It took me a long time to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit. My dad is a loud, type A, aggressive person. When I was a child and he would yell for me, my shoulders would shrug up to my ears, my body flinched and my heart would jump up into my throat. Whether or not I knew I was in trouble I could always tell by his tone. So, I thought the holy spirit would sound like that….you know, when God, who created the entire world, wanted to talk to me or discipline me then the heavens would open and His voice would beckon me like the thunder. That’s not so, He whispers to us and if we’re not paying attention, we miss it. So, be a good listener.
2. He’s a GREAT teacher, the best.
Don’t go looking for someone else to teach you what only He can. He knows you better than anyone, even me. He knows the hairs on your head. He knows the things you want, the things you need and the things you “think” you want, but don’t need. Let Him do His job. All scripture is “breathed out by God.“ So, when you don’t know the answer, I assure you it’s in His word. He knows what you’ve been through, what’s to come and how you’ll handle those things. Nothing surprises Him. His plan is perfect. Let Him lead you in all things, ALL THINGS! And also, the moment you’re convinced He needs to teach someone a lesson is when He will teach you one. He’s ALL about teaching humility…and those lessons are always fun to learn. Except not.
3. He disciplines out of LOVE
He is patient and forgiving, those are beautiful attributes of His character. It’s so important that you know this. Most of the time I fail here as your mom. I discipline you sometimes out of anger, sometimes because what you did “inconvenienced” me in some way, and sometimes because you didn’t do what I thought you should or wanted you to. I’m trying to be more like Him in this way, but I’ll always be a sinner no matter how hard I try and your Heavenly Father, unlike me, will never discipline you out of inconvenience or anger. Revelation 3:19 says, “Those whom I love, I discipline.” When you know that He is disciplining you; repent and know that He loves you. He loves you too much to let you continue in your sin! His discipline is a GOOD thing!
4. He is LOVE and loves you as if you were the only one.
Last week in school you had to memorize John 3:16. That pretty much sums up the gospel and His love for us. “For God so loved the world, he gave His only son.“ I don’t love anybody enough to give you up, but I’m not Jesus. He loves you with an everlasting love. “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.“ John 15:9. Romans tells us that “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us“. So, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done. You could never do anything that would make Him love you less. He is greater than all your sin. He died for it. We live in a world based on “conditional love.” Love that comes with strings. People will “love” you because you act a certain way or do certain things, maybe even because of how you look or what you wear. There will be people in your life that will make you feel like if you mess up or don’t do it their way they won’t love you anymore. My best advice is look to Him for your love and your approval, His opinion IS the ONLY one that matters.
5. He will push you.
“Comfort” is not His thing. So if you are comfortable, then get ready to move. This is pretty much life. Without Him, we’re not equipped for anything. But, He will call you to do things you won’t feel equipped to do. Pray, lean on Him and then be assured you have everything you need to accomplish His call. In Him is where we do more than we ever thought we could. Those things that we’ll look back afterward and go, “I can’t believe I did that.“ We are never fighting a bigger battle than when we are doing work for the kingdom-no matter what that work is. And you don’t have to be good at it, just available. And, know that in this place where God is pushing you, Satan is fighting you. For every good and perfect thing God does you better know Satan has a counterfeit.
6. His “good” is not always what you’ll deem as “good.”
Sometimes things happen that don’t seem good or fair. That doesn’t mean that it’s not His will or that you‘re being punished. If you’re living in unrepentant sin that may be the case, but if you’re seeking Him then He’s teaching you something and drawing you closer to Himself. Not all trials are a result of our sin, When you want to strengthen a muscle you work it, hard. So, sometimes He works our “spiritual muscles.“ James and Romans both talk about trials in tribulation and rejoicing in our sufferings. His will is perfect, He sees the big picture. We don’t. You just have to trust Him. This can be hard. So, be honest, tell Him it’s hard. He may or may not give you understanding at that time, but He will always give you peace and comfort. Romans 8:28 says, “He works all things together for the good of those who love Him.” The word “all” there, literally means everything. So, when it seems bad (and there will be bad) just know that He Will bring good out of it. God WILL do what He says He will do, He will make good on His promises-EVERY TIME!
7. He wants a relationship with YOU.
You are not just a number in a world of billions. You aren’t just a being He created and left to fend for yourself. You are a DAUGHTER of the one true King and Creator of the World. You are an heir to God and His kingdom! He is your Father. You are in first grade right now. When your dad or I pick you up from school, you TALK. OUR. EARS. OFF. You give every detail of your day, including who picked their nose, how many times you went to the bathroom, who said what and what made you laugh. Do this with God. Talk to him all day about all things. He wants to know the details of your life. And the more you talk to Him and include Him in those details the easier it is for you to depend on Him for not just the big things, but the little things too. The world tells us God is too busy. He’s got too much going on. One, single being isn’t important to the creator of the world. But, you were important enough for Him to create in the first place, and He doesn’t do anything that won’t bring Him glory….so, glorify HIM!
I can honestly tell you that I’ve learned the most about 1-7 just in the almost 7 years that I’ve been a parent. I learned so much about how He loves us because of how I love you and your brother. I don’t know how anyone could parent without Jesus. I don’t know how anybody does anything without Jesus. And I never want you to.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
A Wonderful Gift...
Tomorrow Cale will be 4. The plan is to give him his bike when he wakes up. He'll ask me for a Popsicle for breakfast because he always does and tomorrow ill say yes...cause it's a special day. Tomorrow night I'll cook his favorite dinner and we'll open the rest of his gifts and sing, "Happy Birthday." I didn't know this until a long time after he was born, but he wasn't breathing when he came out...and didn't for awhile. They called in more nurses and another doctor, they were frantically working to draw that first breath. Tomorrow could have been a very different day for us. So, tonight I'm thanking The Lord (like I have a million times) for the wisdom He gave the doctors and nurses that day and that he gave Cale that first breath and for every one He has given him since! So thankful. And humbled. And blessed.
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