Happy birthday, Ella!!

My First

Six years ago today, God changed my life in a MIGHTY way.

He entrusted me with a baby girl, made me a mother and blessed my world.

I'm so thankful that He gave her to me, I'm thankful for who He's making her to be!

My first, my gift, my joy, my pride. You're a little piece of Heaven here by my side!

 

Happy birthday, to the one who first called me "mom"!

Ella, I love you with my whole heart

Glory days...

My youngest brother came up from Auburn the other night to have dinner with us. He’s 3 months into the first semester of his freshman year. We were so glad he could make the time to come visit. And, what a great time we had talking to him and listening to his stories. We laughed and laughed. I was so thankful to hear how much he was enjoying himself, to hear about the friends he had, bible studies they were doing and sermons that they listened to in their free time. Be still my heart! I couldn’t have been more pleased to hear how being down there wasn’t a huge temptation to rebel and do bad things, but that he hadn’t ever spent so much time in the word as he does now. Thankful. My prayer for him, long before he ever left for college was that when he got there the Lord would literally FLOOD his life with people that loved Jesus and lived for Him. Not just people that talked a pretty talk, but lived it out. That he would be surrounded by men that walked closely with the Lord and had a working relationship. Oh, did He ever answer that prayer!

But, still, listening to his stories about late-night adventures, early morning study sessions, date parties, hanging out, going to bed whenever you wanted, getting up when you felt like it, nights of uninterrupted sleep and figuring out what independence looks like made me a little nostalgic, and for a moment, feeling rather old and a little sad. Seasons of our life go by so quickly and the older we get the quicker they come and go. It made me sad to think that my time at Auburn was over, the sorority life was a distant memory and that life of seemingly no responsibility and just enjoying your friends and learning and building relationships had come to a close. A breath. It was literally a breath. And, like that, almost 8 years later (ouch!) here I am.

The Lord is an awesome teacher, I’ve said it before. And, this particular night after Zach had gone back and I was left to reminisce about those “glory days” the Lord showed up again. As I was laying with Matt on the couch watching TV and our two little angels were quietly sleeping in the next room, He gave me such a vivid picture and flooded my mind with the feelings and thoughts that I had at 19. I wanted to get married and have babies. I dreamed of this man that I knew He was preparing for me and what our life would look like together. On the same note, there were many times that I worried there wouldn’t be a man for me or that maybe I had missed him because I wasn’t paying attention. He reminded me of the passion I had for being a mother, to rock babies, change diapers and spend my days cuddling and loving. Now, I loved my college years and I can honestly say I didn’t wish away a single day, but like any normal girl we worry about what the future looks like. And, I was no different.

In that moment it hit me that everything I had wanted at 19, he had given my in excess by the time I was 30. Like He promises, blessings overflowing into my lap. And laying there, beside Matt on a couch too small for two adults, was awesome. Because it meant he had to hold me a little closer so that we both fit. The fact that he’s a tad frugal and won’t turn the heat on until the last possible minute was perfect because we used the super-soft oversized blanket my grandmother had given us to keep warm. And, the two littles sleeping in the other room were perfectly healthy, perfectly happy and had perfectly taught me a little more of how my Father in Heaven loves me. Answered prayers.

Now let me veer here for a moment to say that this isn’t a “fluff” piece on what a wonderful life looks like and how perfect mine is…it’s not. Real life is hard and on any given day that man laying next to me at some point had inevitably made my blood boil with anger like no one else could and those two sleeping “angels” if you walked through the door at just the right time would be aiding me in a loss of patience and sanity that could only be described as something you’d see in a scene from Poltergeist (though I haven’t seen it). What it is though, are moments where we find some clarity and become thankful for the things we often take for granted. Those moments, that the Lord uses to reveal to us how faithful He is and the way that He has answered our prayers. Yes, college was fun. Yes, I miss it sometimes. But, in the words of Edwin McCain, right now, “I could not ask for more.” There’s no greater encouragement than that you get from seeing your prayers get answered. What a testament to how He loves us, cares for us and shows His goodness and faithfulness in our lives!

Deliverance...

So, I learned in bible study about deliverance. And, basically there are three ways that the Lord will deliver us in situations:

1. He will deliver us FROM something. Meaning we go around it or avoid it completely. We don’t even know, I’ll say it again, WE DON’T EVEN KNOW half the stuff He’s delivered us from. Little things, big things, no telling how many times a day things. Obviously, this is what we want…deliverance from.

2. He will deliver us through something. Meaning He gets us on the other side of it. Or,

3. He will deliver us by something and into His arms. Meaning that it’s made complete.

Today, I got a lesson in deliverance. I got in the car this afternoon to go get Ella from school. The air was coming out and it was hot!! I mean, HOT. It was a cool 76 degrees outside so the hotness wasn’t so awful, but nonetheless needed to be fixed. I mean, this is Alabama. There is a very nice probability that it will be 97 tomorrow. Thank you Lord for deliverance from the heat, but that’s not the point here. So, I get Ella and we proceed to the dealership to see what the damage is going to be. In short, there are two options the wonderfully nice guy says we have:

1. He can hook up some nifty thing-a-majig to the car and see if he can get it working for which he won’t charge me. YES, we’ll take that one!! But, of course, this may not work. Or,

2. They have to take out the radio and basically the entire dash to replace a part about the size of my cell phone, costing about $600. Um, great.

So, he walked back in to grab his nifty tool and while he was gone I prayed (out loud), Dear LORD, PLEASE let him fix this for FREE!! To which Ella goes, “Momma, that was the craziest prayer you’ve ever said.” Well, baby, Philippians 4 tells us to pray about ALL things and that is what this is…ALL things. So, he comes back and hooks up the little deal. I can tell he’s doing his thing and he’s tried it several times. He turns and looks at me and says, “I don’t think I’m gonna get it to work.” Sigh (me, not him). He asked me if I can bring it back in the morning. “Yes, I can.” Then he goes, let me try it one more time. Ok. Seconds later he turns and goes, “I got it.” I asked him if he was kidding and proceeded to do a little jig in the parking lot. I’m sure it was entertaining. Thank you Lord!! De.liv.er.ance (in my singing voice)!!! And, on the flip, yet another wonderful teachable moment and priceless lesson for Ella.

I’m guilty sometimes about not praying for something because I think it’s dumb or insignificant. And, I know that a lot of other people are too. We live in the lie that something is a health issue and not a God issue. Or a political issue and not a God issue. Or an “insert your name here” issue and not a God issue. But, like I posted a couple weeks ago, God cares about all the “little” issues in our lives. So, cast your cares on Him, whatever they are. I assure you, He cares. And, if you’re worried about those issues that we don’t deem insignificant, I.e. health or politics, pray about that too. As a child of the Most High, prayer is the most powerful tool you have, USE IT!!

Little Bo Peep

Ella had Nursery Rhyme Day at her school on Friday. Each child chooses a rhyme, memorizes it, dresses up and then recites it. The families get to come watch and the parents bring a snack or treat that goes with their child's rhyme. It was such a fun day, we all enjoyed ourselves. I mean, what's not to like about a bunch of kindergarteners public speaking!! Ella chose Little Bo Peep, this was her poem:

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep, and can’t tell where to find them;
Leave them alone, and they’ll come home, and bring their tails behind them.

Little Bo-Peep fell fast asleep, and dreamt she heard them bleating;
But when she awoke, she found it a joke, for still they all were fleeting.

Then up she took her little crook, Determined for to find them;
She found them indeed, but it made her heart bleed, for they’d left all their tails behind ‘em!

It happened one day, as Bo-Peep did stray unto a meadow hard by------
There she espied their tails, side by side, all hung on a tree to dry.

She heaved a sigh, and wiped her eye, and over the hillocks she raced;
And tried what she could, as a shepherdess should, That each tail should be properly placed.

Little Bo Peep
 

Bo Peep and The Queen of Hearts

Ella's class



 

She did great, I was so proud of her! I'm amazed at her ability to be so comfortable in front of people. If you are wondering about the treat I took...I made lamb cupcakes. I don't have a picture, for the final product did NOT match the picture that was in my head and could only best be described as something you could find on craftfail.com!! I tried, they looked pretty pitiful, but I was told they tasted good. I'm not Martha, I don't do pinterest, baking is not my gift. I'm ok with that. We had fun doing it and I enjoyed seeing my little girl perform once again. Happy Nursery Rhyme Day!!

The 2nd, 1st day....

So, the first day of school is what it is. It is the start of something new, it is exciting. On the other hand, it is the end of summer and it is filled with nerves and uncertainty. Whether you're a parent or a child if we're being honest we do what we have to do to basically get through it. And, who wants to do it twice???? Probably no one. So, I have to give Ella props...she is a trooper and she is brave. Today was the first day at her new school. There were bumps, but it was most definitely a win! The kids have been going for a week now and they're used to the routine and used to each other. To Ella, it would seem that they've known each other forever and they're still learning her name. I told her it takes time...in  a couple days, "you won't be the new girl...you'll be old" and everything will be normal. And, she is horribly afraid of car rider. Thankfully, at this school I'm allowed and encouraged even to come in and get her. So, that's what we'll do until she tells me not to. I love to do it, but part of me feels awful about it. For the past two years she's told me to not come in...she loved walking to and from the car by herself. I feel like I broke her. Parenting can be hard. But, I do realize she had a bad experience last week and it will take time to forget. I can give her that. The principal sought me out to ask how Ella's day was and told me she was praying for her...that's NEVER happened. And, the Admissions Director emailed me to see how Ella's day was and if there was anything she could do. I'm so thankful for everyone at that school. She is truly surrounded by genuinely sweet people all day. So, other than just being the "new girl" and having a fear of car rider...it was a WIN!! She had a good day, met some girls that she said were super sweet and loves her teacher (who loves pink, by the way) so that was enough! At the end of the day they sat on the rug and all had to say something nice or encouraging about Ella...mostly it was "we're glad you're at this school," "I'm excited you're in my class." But, one boy told her he loved her...which made her giggle! She's been talking about it all day and is looking forward to tomorrow. I'm just thankful, and a lot relieved! She was nervous this morning, so was I. And all afternoon....the minutes creeped by until 1 o'clock. And in that time the devil was all over me, "What are you going to do if she hates this school?" "This could very well have the same result."  SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE, Satan!! For, I've casted my cares upon Him!! And, like always, He was good and faithful.

The "little" things...

You thought the Lord doesn’t care about the “little” things…I’m telling you, you’re wrong!!

This was the first week of school for us and Ella started Kindergarten this year. Let me start by saying that she has been so excited about starting school since she knew what school was. She was in MDO for the past two years. Most mornings she would come in our room and wake me up at what would resemble the 5 o’clock hour to ask if we needed to get up yet or if we were going to be late. No, baby, the roosters aren’t up yet…go back to sleep, I’ll come get you. If you don’t know Ella let me fill you in- she’s smart, intuitive and like most children doesn’t miss a thing. Talking to her is like talking to an adult, and on days when I don’t have an “adult” conversation until Matt gets home, she is that for me. She loves to learn, gets frustrated when she can’t learn fast enough and thrives on information. She’s independent. And confident. When I take her somewhere that I have to leave her she walks away like it’s no big deal. I have to ask for a hug or kiss bye and may or may not get it. Most times I do good to get a “bye, mom” as she walks away. She talks, A LOT. Not that I want to, but I can’t get her to stop. She even does so in her sleep. She has a mouth-full whether we’ve done something productive or fun or just sat at home all day. There are times that I have to say, let’s just be quiet for three minutes, just three minutes. My brain hurts. So, with that said I had fully prepared myself for the out pour of words that would come flowing from her when I picked her up from her first day of school. That didn’t happen. When I picked her up she was fighting back tears. I posted about that earlier. She didn’t say much in the car and the silence continued throughout the afternoon after we had gotten home. All she wanted to do was sit in my lap. She hasn’t done that since she was probably an infant. WEIRD. I chalked it up to she was tired, this is just going to take some getting used to. It wasn’t until she finally decided to ask a question it was this, “Do I have to go back there tomorrow?” A sentence that would make any mother shutter. This wasn’t right. The next day I picked her up, same deal, but instead of fighting tears, they were streaming down her face. And, same silence and behavior when we got home. DONE. This was not my little girl, she was different. My heart was broken and what looked like her spirit. I explained it to Matt this way: You know how when someone gets saved they look different. There’s a light, a sense of joy that wasn’t there before and just radiates from them. It was like that with Ella, except something was gone. I’m here to tell you that the Lord speaks to you through your children…make sure you’re listening.

Now private school had been something that Matt and I had discussed on several different occasions on and off throughout the years. We struggled with it. We wanted her to have an education where everything pointed back to Jesus. Where they learned more than just basic subjects but things like how to treat and respect others. Where they said the blessing, learned prayers and her Heavenly Father was a part of her day, all day. However, we realized that it was our job to teach her those things at home and there is of course a desperate need for Christian kids in public school. And, we figured she would love school so much that it wouldn’t matter where she went…it was just her personality. So, that’s where we landed. But, it clearly wasn’t where the Lord wanted her. Looking back, I can see where He was preparing us and laying it on our hearts. And, I don’t know if this was just a lesson from Him on trusting in Him and listening to your children or if it was just blatant disobedience, I hope not, but I asked for forgiveness anyway.

Tuesday night we had the discussion about what to do. We decided that the next day I would call some private schools and see if there were any openings. We are halfway into the first week of school at this point…I’m thinking it’s not looking good. So the two we were considering, based on location, we’ll call them school A and B, both had openings. So, I made appointments for Ella, Cale and I to go and tour each. It seemed unnecessary. School B was the obvious choice and Matt and I both had gut feelings it was the one. Mind you, feelings are indicators NOT dictators, I’d do well to remember that more often. However, I had already made an appointment with school A and proceeded to get ready to go. As we are about to leave I’m thinking to myself, “Lord, this is dumb. This school is more expensive, significantly. They wear uniforms which Ella’s going to hate and cost more money. Granted there are some pro’s, but again…it’s going to cost more.” To which I hear, “Go to the meeting.” Now, I have a bad habit of arguing when the Lord tells me to do something. I’m not proud of it. And, ironically this is the same trait that frustrates me so badly about my children. They are forever asking me the same thing after I’ve already told them. But, thankfully it’s not a sin to double-check. It is to deliberately disobey, but not to double-check. So, I’m “double-checking” with Him all morning and the whole way there. “Lord, why do I have to go if so much of this school doesn’t make sense. And, I have to go all the way in the opposite direction to turn around and drive another 35 minutes to get to the school we’re ultimately going to send her?” “Go to the meeting,” He says. Ok. (huff) We went. I was blown away, everything about this school was so perfect and Ella loved it. She lit up, it was all over her face and for the first time in two days, there she was. I’m glad I went to the meeting.

We visited the second school. It was great. But, not perfect. He had led us exactly to the place He wanted and there was nothing but peace flowing through my body. I emailed some friends of mine that have daughters that go to the school we wanted to enroll her in to see if maybe, just maybe they had any uniforms their girls had outgrown that Ella would be able to wear the next week until hers would come in. Provided that she got accepted, of course. Matt and I prayed about it again that night. The next morning, my friend had emailed me back, this was just about the first thing I saw that morning and this is what she said:

“Abby, I have more then enough for you that for "some reason" I never took it to the consignment shop. All size 5... And you can HAVE them.”

Two words. I cried. If I needed any more confirmation that we had made the right decision, there it was. I never told her what size I needed, I was going to make anything work. Yet, what she had was exactly what I needed. I was so humbled, so thankful, so relieved. God was leading and providing in a mighty, mighty way. I could hear it loud and clear and I didn’t have to double-check…”You do what I tell you, this is where I want her., it’s where you’ve always wanted her. I’ll take care of it.” A-MAZING!! God is amazing!!! He totally picked us up out of that awful circumstance and put us back down in an inconceivable blessing. Did I mention the school had one opening? ONE.

We went yesterday for the enrollment testing. Though naturally I was nervous, not about her getting in, the Lord had taken care of that, but just nervous for Ella sitting in a room without me and answering questions. What I was told would take a “couple” minutes turned out to be 35. When she walked out with the principal they were both smiling from ear-to-ear and holding hands. So, I wasn’t surprised when she walked over to me and said that she thought Ella was wonderful and would be an asset to the school. Of course she is, she’s a daughter of the Most High King and He did a great job! So, we are THRILLED!! Ella can’t wait to start school and that warms my heart in and of itself. We didn’t budget for this, it wasn’t the plan. And, I don’t know about you, but we for sure don’t have hundreds of extra dollars laying around at the end of the month. To be honest, most months there isn’t any. We don’t know how it’s going to work out, what it’s going to be like. But, we do know one thing, the Lord’s going to take care of it….He already said so. Walking by faith can be scary, being obedient doesn’t always make the most sense, to our tiny minds anyway. But, God is huge and powerful and everything we have belongs to Him, including our children. And, if this is what He wants for His Ella, then we’re going to do it. And through Him, it's not scary..."fear not, I am with you," He says.

You know we hear and believe a lot of lies from the enemy. I think one of the most popular is that God doesn’t really care about the “little” details of our lives. That there are too many other things that are bigger, more important. I hear it all the time. But, that’s not the God we serve. I’m pretty sure that the God that knows every hair on your head cares about ALL your details! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!!

Ella's first day of Kindergarten...



Ella started Kindergarten today. She's been excited for awhile. I waivered between excited and sad, naturally. We walked her into her classroom this morning, and like I thought she would she walked in like she had done it a thousand times before. Cale and I were pretty much lost all day without her, she is SUCH a presence! I missed her terribly all day and so did Cale. He sat beside me like a leech and followed me around like a shadow. The minutes literally creeped by until it was time to go get her. We waited in the pick-up line for what seemed like forever and the anticipation of hearing about her day was all I could take. Finally,  I saw her step on the concrete in between the two rows of cars and head toward ours. The look on her face was, well, overwhelmed. I could tell she was holding back tears and she was fighting so hard!! She is SO brave. I got out of the car, she looked at me, tears filled her eyes (as did mine) and she started running. I scooped her up and she squeezed me tighter than she probably ever has. We stood in the street hugging and crying together. I told her I loved her and asked if she was ok. She said, "yes, but I was ready to see you." She's the oldest 5-yr-old I know....but, she's still my little girl.

She did have a great day. She loves her teacher and her class. She made some good friends and overall had a good time. But, it was a long day and is clearly going to take some adjusting. They say that, "tears aren't a sign of weakness, they're a sign you've been strong for too long." And, she had been strong all day!